Thursday, October 10, 2013

I'm Tired of Small Talk

"Hey, how are you?" "Good! You?" "Good."

And so that is the way that most conversations go between most people at my school--that may also even be the case elsewhere.

Now I know that in college you get busy so many times you don't have time to have full-on conversations with people, but is there a way to get out of having the same old small talk with everyone?

Think about it. Out of all the people that you interact with on any given day, how many do you actually have a conversation with, one that consists of more than the impersonal "hey, how are yous" and the many "goods" that come right after. Better yet, how many times are you actually feeling "good" (or should I say--well) when you answer that question?

Maybe not all of those "how are yous" are completely impersonal because I try to mean it most of the time when I ask people the question. I just wish there was a more honest way to respond when people ask it back. Most days, I really am feeling "good" but I want to find another way to respond to break the typical answer.

Here's another good one. If you don't say "good," you say you're busy or tired. I know I do. And it is a valid response; being college students, we all know and realize that classes and jobs and homework take up most of our lives, therefore making us both busy and tired. But how do we get past these simple, one-worded answers? How do we have a more honest conversation with people as we pass by? Or when we do have a minute or two to talk to someone, how do we get past the small talk without going too deep right away? (Unless you consider that person a close friend of yours, I don't recommend going deep right after your "heys.")

If you're anything like me, you cherish and appreciate deep relationships with people. I have made it a goal for myself this school year to deepen the connections I have with the people I made friends with last year. It's much more difficult than I expected it to be--freshman year, all your friends were so accessible to you and events were created for you to be around and meet new people--but it is a challenge that I'm willing to work through. I'm willing to put in the effort to maintain friendships with the people I consider close to me as long as they're willing to meet me halfway. A mistake I made in high school was giving too much and not receiving enough back, and it put me under a lot of strain that was not necessary.

Is there ever truly a way to get out of small talk? How do we get past it and further our friendships? We don't need to get to the nitty gritty of our childhood stories with everyone, but it would be nice to know more about the people around me rather than how "good" they are feeling.


  1. Hey Kriselle! Great point, glad you posted this!
    I can understand what you're saying about small talk. It's a challenge to engage in it and have meaningful conversations every time.

    During the holidays with family, I always feel like it's a great time to have those in-depth convos (some by choice, some by necessity, lol). Outside of that, it's the routine and sadly our conversations with family and friends fall into the routine greetings.
    I do think one of the benefits of small talk is gauging the other person's frame of mine and whether they have the mental time to chat. It's like a warm into into a deeper conversation. Is the other person too busy or not in the mood? That's what I use small talk for.

    1. Hey Diane!
      Yeah, it is really difficult sometimes to have meaningful conversations all the time; I just genuinely want to know how a person is doing behind the "good" response, you know? But you do make a good point on a reason to use small talk; I've never thought of it that way. Thank you for your insight!

    2. You're welcome. I wish there was more time in the day for more genuine convos especially with people who we have minimal contact with (ie store clerk etc). Or at least, the willingness on everyone's part to be more conscience of small talk :)

      I always love posts that make you think - ty!


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