Wednesday, June 10, 2015

An Open Letter to My Soon-to-Be Long Distance Boyfriend on Our 5 Year Anniversary

June 5, 2015

Dear Darell, 

As I am sitting here at Starbucks trying to figure out what to write for today's post, I am wondering what I haven't talked about already. I have written about you being a gamer, I have written about growing up with you, and I have written our love story & how we came to be. 

I was about to just write a post on more things I've learned in our relationship but with you leaving for Australia in a month, I wanted to do what I do best, and that was to be raw and honest with you. 

I could have just written this out as a personal letter and given it to you on our date you have planned for us later today but I think posting it on a public forum solidifies and enhances all the emotions I'm pouring into this post. I think there is something beautiful and amazing to write all of your deepest and sincerest emotions to privately tell your significant other, but I also think there is something very genuine and brave about announcing it for anyone to see. 

Honestly, I still can't believe we have been dating for 5 years. That is half of a decade, and like you said, "a quarter of [my] life." Haha. 

The past few days of helping you clean out your room and going through mementos from earlier parts of our relationship have been really sweet but also pretty hard for me. You already saw me shed a few tears, and honey, I don't think they're going to go away any time soon. 

Being with you has taught me the most about what it truly means to love someone and what it really means to sacrifice. Our relationship was never typical with the situations we have been in through our old church, our families, and the people around us, but we somehow got here today. 

I will be honest, there have definitely been times that I have prayed and asked God to close the door to our relationship if it was not pleasing to Him anymore. However, I will never for a second doubt God's hand of protection and grace upon us after everything we've been through with Him dealing with the aftermath of everything. 

Lately, especially in the past year, you & I have been going through some growing pains. It has been so tough for me but I see the growth and improvement in our relationship. We interact in a much healthier way and communicate in a much clearer way as well, which I love so much. 

And now you are about to embark on the journey of a lifetime and fly to live on the other side of the world for a year. I've seen long distance couples fail, but I have also seen long distance couples thrive (in both of our families too), so it's a scary place to be, especially for me. 

I'm very screwed up in many ways and as a result am terrified out of my mind for what is to come in the next year. I won't be seeing you for months, potentially a whole year, and I don't know what to do or think about that. One thing that I love about you, however, is your optimism to balance out my worries. We compliment each other so well in that way. 

As June comes and goes, I already know that this month is going to be very emotional but so full of love as you do your final prep before Australia. I will be spending this month emotionally preparing myself as much as I can but I will be crying a lot too. 

This next year will be the ultimate test of everything we have been through in the past 5 years. Being 17 hours apart and growing up in so many ways without the other being physically there to be there for it all is gonna be a challenge but it is definitely doable. I will be turning 21, graduating from college, (hopefully) getting my first big girl job among other things. You will be living on your own for the first time in your life in a country you are not familiar with, and you will be in school as well doing what you love. 

In the grand scheme of things, a year isn't so bad. We have 5 years under our belt and the best part is that with a year it is pretty easy to see an end to the distance. Skype, Facebook, and iMessage are going to be our best friends. It's just the day to day that will be difficult. But I don't know, there are little things that you have been doing lately that give me hope for us. 

So as I finally finish this letter a few days after our anniversary and getting to spend tons of quality time with you over the past few days, all I have left to say is that I love you. As we start on our sixth year, I have no idea what is going to come, but I wouldn't do this with anyone else but you. I pray that whatever happens, that you & I will be taken care of in the end. 

I love you. 
Chau for now

No comments:

Post a Comment

Talk to me! If you have something to say about this post, say it! I want to know. Happy commenting! [: