When You Have to Give Up A Dream

I am sure that today's title is a little depressing-sounding, but don't worry, today's post will not be. Giving up dreams always suck, but for the case of today's post, it is not the worst thing, nor is it the end of the world. 

Recently, I had to give up one of the longest dreams I've ever had in life--to attend a Bible school that I discovered when I was a freshman in high school and study music (or to be specific, worship). 

Although it is not a main focus in my life anymore, one of my biggest passions I've always had was to sing. As I got older, I wanted to focus on singing in the church as a ministry instead of performing in front of crowds in an effort to become the next star. In the time of my life that I found Hillsong College, I was just starting to get involved in my church at the time and I had discovered the band Hillsong United just a couple years beforehand. Even though you should technically not be getting fanatical about a church worship team, I didn't realize that at the time and so the idea of attending a school and learning from all these amazing worship leaders sounded amazing to me. 

Unfortunately, I encountered a few issues with this: 

1. At the time, the school did not offer a bachelor's degree like a traditional college/university (although they do now), and getting a degree was a big deal to me. 

2. Tying into number one, Hillsong church is done differently than what my family is familiar with. And if I were to have gone to a school on the other side of the world to study music that is intended for church and not even get a full college degree for it, I knew that I wouldn't hear the end of it. My family pushed my sister and I very hard to get college degrees before doing anything else, especially because so many of my family members, including my mom, were not able to get them themselves. 

Long story short, I would've studied music and I wouldn't have gotten a degree, and quite frankly I did not want to deal with any backlash I would've gotten for it (and I'm actually glad I didn't go right out of high school), so I decided that I would go the traditional university route first then see from there. 

As I went through high school, although I thought about Hillsong College every now and then, it just didn't seem like a realistic dream for me, not because I couldn't do it, but it just wasn't a priority in my head anymore. Darell and I would talk about how awesome it would be to get married after university then someday go there, but we weren't being too serious when we said those things. 

However, in university, the dream started creeping back into my life. 

First, it was finding out my home church's head worship leader at the time had graduated from the school. When we attended Hillsong's first conference in LA that year, the college came up again. Then I had a friend decide to leave university for Hillsong College the year after (she's still going there and since then I've had another friend from high school go as well!). 

Of course, these all could've been coincidences, but then Darell took the leap and went for it. 

I didn't believe him in the beginning but then he went for it. It was hard on our relationship at first because I had known of so many people who went into long distance relationships expecting it to work, only for it not to work. But we made it work, and I moved to Sydney a few months later. 

So close, but so far

For the past year I have been so close, but so far. Having my boyfriend-then-fiance-then-husband as a student at my dream school surrounded me with the people and the culture without actually being a student and paying for it. I got to know a bit about the program I wanted to do and even attended the year-end showcase that first year students do, which got me really excited to go back to school! I had already gone to school for the "stable" job and now wanted to do something just for myself, something that had been on my heart for 9 years. I even applied & gotten into the school and was one day from starting my enrollment!

But then I had to give it up. 

See, we had two options: 

• Dive in head first with blind faith that God would provide and attend the school of my dreams while also being in debt and both of us working very limited hours due to our packed school schedules. 

OR

• I give up the dream and potentially regret it for the rest of my life but not be in a hole of debt and for the first time in two years finally give myself an extended period of time to rest and not overwork/burn myself out. 

The day before we had to make a decision, we attended church and I went down to an altar call for the first time in who knows when. I prayed and cried out to God because we honestly had no idea what to do. We could see our lives going either way. 

That night, I didn't receive a clear answer, but instead I received peace in knowing that regardless of the decision, we would be taken care of. 

The next day, Darell & I talked to admissions to see if there was anything that could've been done for us, but there was nothing. We talked out all of the pros and cons and talked to a couple people close to us about it, and it wasn't until we talked to one of our married friends that the answer finally became clear. 

He said that he & his wife had been in a situation similar to us before where they chose the debt over the "safe" route. Of course for them it was worth it and God had provided for them every step of the way but the burden they had to carry as a result put a strain on them individually and as a couple. He said although he knew God would somehow provide a way if we both chose to go to school, he also said God would honor our choices to be good stewards with the little that we did have. 

What I took away from that conversation is that God is faithful, but it's also good to be wise. We've been on edge financially for the last year so we decided it was time to go the safe route and be wise with what we had. And honestly, I feel perfectly fine. It really sucked to have to come to the reality to give up a dream I'd had for as long as I could remember, but I am at peace with my decision. I don't feel any anxiety about it.

Many times we hear of the stories of people who took the leap of faith, having nothing and everything working out in the end. And those stories are great; I don't want to minimize the greatness and faithfulness it takes to live like that... because I often live that way too.

But, I think that it is also important to recognize that going the safe route, if well thought out and not done simply out of fear, is also just as brave to do. I remember a sermon in my old youth group about sacrificing something you really want and giving it up to God and how He will see your sacrifice and honor it. He blesses those people as well.

If you are in a crossroads and are unsure of what to do next in your life but are scared of regretting your decision, I urge you to pray hard and seek deeply for the pros and cons of both decisions and also seeking why you, deep down in your heart, may want to make those decisions. I hope that you are encouraged and if you ever need to talk to someone, my inbox is always open. Until next week xx

HELLO 2017!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Can you believe it? It is already 2017! 

I love the start of the new year because it always represents new beginnings and fresh starts. & even though you can technically refresh & restart any time throughout the year, the new year itself is great because everyone is doing it as well. It serves as motivation. 

As I've done for the past few years on this blog, I've documented a few goals I want for the year, both blog-wise and personally. This year will be no different. Here are my goals: 

Blog goals: 

[] Post consistently every week, regardless of frequency

[] Make new business cards

[] Attend as media to one event

[] Attend at least one blogger/networking event

[] Venture out beyond this lifestyle blog :) 

Personal goals:

[] Travel to a new part of Australia

[] Travel outside of Australia (not counting California) at least once

[] Go back to school for something I am passionate about (I am actually working on this as we speak, please pray for things to work out the way they need to!)

[] Get into doing devotionals either by myself/with my husband, doesn't have to be daily

[] JOURNAL

[] Read at least 3 novels for pleasure

[] Physically create (paint, draw, sculpt, etc) 

[] Enroll in a creative fitness class (dance/silks) 

[] Learn to cook at least 2 Filipino dishes really well (so far I can cook 3) 

I write my goals down every year to keep myself accountable, to see how I change by the end of the year, and also to encourage anyone who may be on the fence or thinking about any specific goals as well. With my blog goals, because I failed so miserably with what I had for myself last year, I am keeping my list fairly short and simple this year. With my personal goals, I just hope to keep exploring and growing more and more. This will also be my first full year married (CRAZY) so that will be new for me as well. 

Here's to new starts! I hope you have a strong one to your new year :) I'm excited to see where this journey takes us. 

How to Move Abroad in 4 Months: A (Somewhat) Simple Guide

So it's official, I've lived in Australia for just over 10 months now, and it's safe to say that I've adjusted pretty easily and quickly to living here. Jobs pay well here, housing is cheaper (at least cheaper than LA/Orange County), and it's definitely safer here in the most "ghetto" suburb than anywhere else I lived in America.


I actually didn't intentionally mean to write this after the US election! It was a post I'd wanted to write for a while and it's been a little over a year since I made the decision to move here, so this time last year I was finishing up my last semester of school while also slowly transitioning myself out of America and into Australia.


Lots of people talk back home talk to me and tell me how jealous they are that I'm living in a place that is on so many peoples' bucket lists (although my hometown of LA is also on tons of peoples' bucket lists... haha) and how much they wish they could move out and do the same.


If you're one of those people, I say DO IT! As Nike says, JUST DO IT.


I know that it's never as easy as talking about it, but I was able to make the decision to move and take the steps toward doing so pretty much from the end of October/November-the first week of February. That's roughly 3 1/2 months. & it's not like I was working a full time job either! I was still a full time student for almost half that time, and I worked 2-3 part time jobs in the meantime. On top of that, I still had financial things to deal with (which I will go into later in this post).

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Here are the things that I considered in the process of moving abroad:

LONG-TERM COMMITMENTS: Do you have anything that will potentially hold you down or cause you to hesitate in moving abroad? Is it a really good paying job that you may have to leave without guarantees of getting it back when you return? Do you have car or house payments to make? Or maybe there are children or older family members in the picture that need your care? 

If you answered yes to any of these questions, see if there is any way to get around these things. See if there is someone that can take care of that family member or if there's children, see how you can take them with you. If it's long-term payments, see your options for those, whether it's selling, deferring payments, or if you can rent out either of those things to someone who will pay for it while you're gone (I don't know much about these things so I am not an expert on this stuff). With work, see if you can be transferred to an international branch or if your job can be set aside for you until you come back (this may only work if you'll only be gone one year/have seniority at your job). I know I've also heard stories of people moving to doing remote work for their companies as well! Even if you have these things holding you back, I definitely believe that it is still possible to move and travel!

If you answered no to any of these questions, then you're one step ahead! 

Thankfully, I made this decision when I finished my biggest time commitment: my college degree!

+ HOW I DID IT: This was me for the most part when I decided to move. The biggest obstacle for me was finding a roommate to take my place in my apartment (that was a nightmare). When my family questioned me wanting to move so soon, I said to them all of these things: I'm not physically or financially tied down to anything or anyone at that moment. Many suggested that I get a full time job first to save up a lot before moving but I said then I would be tied down and I wouldn't be able to pick up and move as freely as I wanted to. 

LEGALITIES: What are the laws for people who want to move into the country you're looking at? What kinds of visas are available for foreigners who want to move and work there, whether temporarily or permanently? Do you even have a valid passport? Please make sure that you are indeed, moving to your desired country legally and that you are eligible to do so. 

+ HOW I DID IT: For me, the easiest option was the Work and Holiday or Working Holiday Visa (WHV). It's a visa that allows foreigners from certain countries to live and work in Australia for at least one year. The WHV specifically for Americans (Work and Holiday) does not allow us to renew it for a second year, while for those who have the Working Holiday can if they work on a farm for at least 3 months of their first year.

While the WHV is relatively easy to get, especially for Americans (I got approved right after submitting my application), the downfall is that you cannot work at one company for more than 6 months while on your visa. This is because the visa is meant to allow you to travel around so they don't want you tied down to one job if you desire to move around the country. For someone like me who wanted to settle in one place, this was pretty sucky, but it's been pretty good still nonetheless. If you are interested in learning more about the WHV, I can definitely do a whole separate post on this in the future!

COST OF LIVING: Have you looked into what it would cost to realistically live where you want to move to? How is rent for a house or apartment in the city or suburbs? How well do certain jobs pay? What is the average cost of groceries? 

+ HOW I DID IT: My visit to Australia last October really put it in my mind that I was meant to live here for my next season of life. Because I had visited before making my decision (on top of my then-boyfriend/now-husband already living here), I already had an idea of what living here would be like. 

The US dollar is stronger than the Aussie dollar, making it easier to save up money for initial moving costs. With that considered on top of me wanting to live in the suburbs vs. the city, renting a room in an apartment or even renting out a room in the house I currently live at is at the same price/cheaper than what it costed for me to live in a less safer suburb back in America with less space. *Please also take note that I am from the LA area and lived in Orange County for the last 4 years so I am also in a more expensive part of the US.* 

Honestly, the most expensive part about living in Sydney is mostly American makeup brands, but that's for obvious reasons.

Next Steps to Moving Abroad:

SAVING UP/CLEANING UP: What is the plan? How much do you make per week? Can you do more to make money? What can you sell that you don't need anymore? What can you cut out of your daily

/weekly expenses? 

After considering all of the above, the biggest thing to do next is to save up. A lot of this means working more hours and potentially getting a second job (especially if you don't have full time work) but it also means starting to clear out your life so you can have less stuff (and also have some extra cash). This also means cutting out other things so that you can save up even more. Most of this is eating out and cooking your food/bringing your own food. If you also tend to do things like getting your nails done, you may have to cut down on that as well. 

+ HOW I DID IT: As I've stated before, I didn't have a full time job during this time. From October until early December I was in school full time so I pretty much just had one main retail job and for the month of November I interned at a marketing agency (paid). At some point I got a second retail job as well (I can't remember if it was during or after my internship) and worked those two jobs for pretty much the rest of my time in America. In between both jobs, however, I picked up random gigs, like babysitting, cleaning, and taking a friend's kid to school once a week. I also began selling my things. I worked my butt off to save up as much as I could. 

On top of that, I still had my bills and got into a solo car accident (thank God) plus a parking ticket (because I was scared to drive my car after said accident) that set me back a little bit as well. I got a credit card during this time to slowly build my credit and pay for some expenses until I could reimburse them (don't worry, despite all my financial setbacks I have never made a late payment & my credit score has risen 100 points in the last year!). 

PLANNING LIFE ABROAD AHEAD OF TIME: Do you have an idea of the city/suburb you want to live in? Have you started looking for jobs/a place to stay? Do you know anyone over there that can help you?

+ HOW I DID IT: This one was actually easy for me because my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) was already living here and I also have a cousin and aunt who live here as well. I was able to find a place to live through a Facebook group for people who attend or are involved somehow with my husband's school, but it was also nice to know that I could stay with my family or even some friends I made through my husband (he lived in a house of all guys, no girls could live there) if I absolutely couldn't find anything. 

Finding a job was much harder, as I did not secure a job before moving. On a WHV, it's much harder to secure a job ahead of time since most job postings online expect someone on a more permanent visa. HOWEVER, I did end up finding a job a week after arriving. For Sydney specifically (as I cannot speak for other places) it's much easier to get a job by going somewhere in person with your resume rather than applying online. However, do still try just in case!

*Travel pro tip: If you don't know anyone in the area you are moving to and are struggling to find a place to live, I recommend joining travel groups on Facebook. That way you are able to connect with and find people in your desired area before you head out there! Of course, as with all online friendships, use your discretion in meeting people. 

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So once you work out all of these details, you're good to go! You can book your plane ticket and head on out. I had a goal of moving to Australia within the first or second week of February, and I bought my one way plane ticket 3 weeks before I planned on leaving. I was cutting it close, but I knew that I would somehow be able to make it happen. 

+LAST THOUGHTS: This period of time in my life was quite honestly one of the most difficult and most trying times of my life. There were times where I would just drive and cry heading from work to class or class to church or whatever because I was so stressed. I wasn't sure how I was going to pay for my bills or if I'd have enough to last me in Australia in case I didn't find a job right away (thankfully I had family generously help me out with some extra cash before I left). I had lots of obstacles in my way but everything somehow worked out great. I would think to myself, "When will I ever get out of this" and feel like I wanted to just crawl into a ball and cry but once I got to my terminal at the airport, all the pain and stress was worth it. 

So have you considered moving abroad but didn't know where to start, wasn't sure if it was possible? If you answered yes, I say go for it! If you have any questions about anything please shoot me an email or call me out on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram!

Our Engagement Story

So first things first. I am now married! & like I said in my previous post, I wasn't even engaged when I had written back in May. So before I get ahead of myself and talk about the wedding, I'll talk about the much requested engagement story. If you are knew to my blog or don't know us very well, check out our love story & how we came to be as a couple!

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The week leading up to our engagement, Darell was acting very weird. He would do things like casually getting down on one knee to pick something up or tie his shoe, and when I would ask him about potential wedding dates (we were originally planning to elope) all he would say is "you'll find out soon," which is a weird response to when one should have their wedding unless they were planning something themselves...

Another thing about this: it was also our 6 dating year anniversary coming up, so the idea of getting engaged on our anniversary seemed very likely & something that I was lowkey hoping for. I mean, it makes sense, right?

We had gone on a date into the city the Friday before our anniversary, and part of me kept thinking that he would pop the question then, but when he didn't, I was also surprised, but still suspicious of the following Sunday.

So when the day of our anniversary came up, Darell was acting even WEIRDER. He was always pacing, always fidgeting, which he never is that way. Like at all. We've been together for 6 years, he doesn't have a reason to be that way unless he was planning something.

Our original plans for the day was to attend Vivid Sydney, an event every June where Sydney lights up in beautiful lights and and everything just seems magical. Pretty nice place to potentially get engaged, right?

Well the day of our anniversary was also probably the day for one of the worst rain storms of the season. It was pouring rain really hard and flooding in some places as well. When we got to church that day, he was pretty bummed out about the weather and kept leaving me to "go to the bathroom" or go with one of his friends to "check out gear" (when in reality he was meeting up with people to try & figure out what to do in lieu of our original plans).

Church ended & we decided to get lunch at a nearby mall. He said he really wanted us to go to the city but the weather would just make it really difficult (and on top of that when it rains like that they cancel the light shows anyway). You could tell that his mind was elsewhere. He is usually on his phone always checking things out, but today he was checking it with a sense of urgency. I was very suspicious of him at this point, but in an attempt to play stupid, I kept asking him to pay attention to me as it was our anniversary.

We killed time at the mall by walking around, buying polaroid film, and eating Mrs. Fields cookies with a hot chocolate. When it was almost time for the church night service, we had decided to head back to church. I know that we had just attended church in the morning, but we usually also attend the night service too unless we are in the city. Plus the night services have a MUCH more different vibe than the morning services. Sunday mornings are more like traditional church services, Sunday nights are like massive parties.

So we get to church and it's like any normal Sunday night service. Towards the end of the service, Darell decided to check his pulse on his phone (he has a cool app that lets him do that) and his sitting heart rate was 90 bpm (we also had been sitting for 20 minutes at that point). He showed it to me & I asked him, "Babe, are you okay? Why are you so nervous?" He couldn't answer me, haha.

The service ended & I could see that he was scrambling. He brought me out to the church cafe and we had "run into" one of his friends (that I later found out he asked her to be at that very spot). He & I hadn't taken a nice photo that wasn't a selfie yet & he asked me if I still wanted a photo. I said yes of course!

He took a look outside & the rain was still pouring pretty hard. We wanted to take a photo at the Secret Garden, a really pretty garden at Hillsong Church with twinkling lights hanging all over from a tree at the end of it. It's really romantic.

We hung around for a few more minutes as Darell was running around talking to people, then when he came back to me he asked if I was still down for it & I just said yes, we could just make it really quick. Then, not even thinking about the engagement, I almost felt bad that I was insisting on taking a photo in this garden in the rain.

But like God's hand over our relationship (which would later also happen on our wedding day), the rain let up to a sprinkle, the lightest the rain had been all day. As we were walking to the garden we were amazed at our timing.

There was a family taking photos at the garden so we waited for them. One of our friends, who had sat with us with her husband during the service & already said they had to go home & we said our byes, showed up at the garden & told Darell to angle ourselves in such a way. I was 95% sure he was going to propose to me at that point.

Darell started talking to me about things we deserve in life. He really struggled to get the words out, but long story short, he said that we get what we don't deserve, and he didn't deserve me.

By this point we were standing at the tree already, and the family before us had hung around & yelled, "now all you need is a ring!" & Darell & I both wished they would leave haha.

He finally got down on one knee & pulled out the box & opened it (upside down, hahahah he was verrrry nervous), and asked the question, "Will you marry me?"

Even though I had suspected it, I was still surprised & teared up a bit. It happened so fast but I vaguely remember nodding my head & saying yes.

Darell's other friends had reappeared and we all took photos & celebrated. We couldn't say anything on social media yet as we wanted to make sure we told our parents before anything. But yeah, the rest is history.

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Fun fact about where we got engaged: when I first learned about the garden when I first arrived in Australia, I joked with Darell about getting engaged there because I loved the twinkling lights. I always told Darell that I wanted him to propose to me however he wanted, I just wanted the moment captured so we could remember it forever. He did just that :)

Anyway, so there is our engagement story! I know that many friends & family wanted to know what happened so here it is :) I will be writing about our wedding eventually but that will be for another time. Until then xx

Hi, My Name is Kriselle G, Nice to Meet You

Hello! It's been a while since I've been here, but with good reason! You might be able to tell by the title that a lot of things have changed for me since I've last logged on, and I wanted to share a little bit of that. 

First of all, I'm married! I wasn't even engaged when I last wrote a couple months ago but Darell proposed to me on our 6 year anniversary and we got married 6 weeks later. (& for those of you wondering, no, we are NOT pregnant). 
I won't go into too much detail about the last few months right now because that'll be for another post at another time, but pretty much it was the perfect timing to do so. It may have seemed a little fast but the rest of our relationship wasn't (I mean it's been 6 years) and in so many ways, everything kinda just fell into place for us and we knew that getting married when we did was perfect for us. 
We are still living in Sydney. Darell just started his second year of school and I've been working full time since the time we got engaged, and since the wedding is done, we are settling into our daily life together as husband and wife. 

I'll be posting about the wedding and the wedding planning process soon, but for friends and family in America reading this, don't worry, we are going to do a big wedding down the line. The Aussie wedding was intimate and simple, but we of course want to share the love with our huge families and friends back home. 
This is like my 50th time "restarting" the blog so I won't guarantee a certain number of posts per week and what not but I will say this: I will be working on this blog and my business as a content creator. I will say that even if you don't see any content up here on the blog, just know that I am still working on something behind the scenes. 
There are a couple ideas I have in mind that I need to sort through and work out, and I may or may not get back into Youtube in the future! These are all dreams of mine that I hope to accomplish with the help of some blog friends & my handy dandy husband :) 
Also, this blog will be shifting a bit as you will see in my content. This blog is meant to help others (mostly myself) live & love life better. & one way to do that is to talk about serious topics. So sometimes, you may come upon a post regarding race or different aspects about marriage that may not be easy to talk about. I believe that talking about the hard stuff is so important, and change can't happen without it. I will still share things in regards to food or fashion or whatever, but I am going to take a stance here and let you know right now, it's gonna get real. 
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So I hope that you sit back, relax, and stay tuned for what is to come! I'm excited to share this journey with you.

I am Officially Graduating: 4 Lessons Learned in College

This week I'll be back in America for my graduation! As you're reading this, I'll already be back in the States! It's such a bittersweet time for me so I think it's a perfect time to reflect on some of the things I've learned over the years. I have changed so much.

#1: Find something to believe in, and fight for it with everything. College is a really great time because you are newly an adult and for most of us, newly on your own so it's a perfect time to explore your interests. I think it is also a very important time for us to think critically because it is during this time that we encounter so many different people and so many different viewpoints that we should be thinking about what is really important to us. As they say, if you don't stand for anything, you'll fall for anything. 
For myself, it was in my sophomore year of college when I was the representative for all the Asian/Pacific Islander students at my school that I discovered my love, passion, and need to be a voice for all the Asian Americans out there because there is still so much injustice yet silence surrounding the Asian American community. I realized that there was still a stigma of Asians not sticking up for themselves and just letting things pass without doing anything about it. I realized for myself that I needed to be part of the change to change that. 
#2: Being alone doesn't mean you're a loser. I am an extrovert. I love people! When I first started in college you couldn't leave me alone for more than an hour or so before I started to freak out about being by myself. I didn't like going anywhere on campus by myself especially at such a small school (especially going to the dining hall alone) and the times that I was alone felt like I was a loser. It seemed like the "cool" kids were never alone & that if you were alone even though no one would ever say anything to you, people would treat you almost like an outcast in the sense of they'll be cordial to you when they see you but that's about it. 
Well, in my sophomore year (that year was pivotal for me in my personal development haha), I lived in a dorm that was very isolating by nature and I also got into binge watching tv shows, so I spent a lot of time alone that year. However, it ended up being good because I learned to be okay being by myself. Even as an extrovert, I realised just how healthy it can be to have time to yourself, not only to rest, but to also just focus on your own. I also learned to love going places by myself because it made me feel more independent. I enjoy & actually take advantage of time that I get to myself now. 
#3: Everything about how we were raised comes up real quick when you're living with roommates. Freshman year was the first time that I ever lived with other people outside of my family. Although my roommates & I generally got along great, we realised just how much our habits are affected by our pasts and how we were raised. With the 3 of us, we were all raised very differently & the results of that meant that we definitely clashed at times, which is very normal in roommate relationships. I just think it was a wakeup call for all of us to evaluate different aspects about ourselves in regards to how we affect the people around us. It has definitely been (and still is) a growing experience to be living with people from so many different backgrounds. 
#4: Burnout is real. So is time management and rest. I am one of those people that has a lot of interests so I want to be involved in as many things as I can. Ever since high school, I've always done advanced classes plus being involved with clubs in school plus a sport plus being involved in church. And I always still managed to do well. I wasn't expecting much different of myself in college, however it wasn't until my junior year that it really was finally catching up to me, and when it hit me, it hit me hard.  If you've been following my blog for a while now, then you'll know that 2015 was a little rough for me blog-wise. I really slacked on it last year because my time management was off and I also had burned myself out packing on the units while still working between 2-3 jobs at any time and still being involved at my home church as well. So when I did have time to rest, I did instead of blogging. It was necessary, but with how much I love and put an effort into my blog, I wanted to stay on top of it. But now, I'm hoping to really be back with the help of Darell plus some friends that I recently found out here in Australia that blog as well!  ----------------------------------- I've learned so much in the last few years in college, especially at a private, Christian university (I'll save that post for another time). I'm very sad that my time is over, but I am also very happy to be done and move onto the next part of my life in Australia. But no matter what, I will always cherish this time of my life for teaching me so much about myself when I thought I had already known myself so well. So here's to that. Let's celebrate!! 

The Most Heartbreaking Reality About Working in Makeup

Okay so my 30 day writing challenge was a bust, but a big chunk of it was because of this post that I've had on my heart for so long, and the thought about waiting until May to publish it really kept me from writing. Yet it's almost May. Woops. 

So anyway, as I've mentioned before, I work in a makeup store. It's called Gloss, and for those of you who aren't from Australia, think of it as a Sephora-meets-drugstore-brands. It means that you can test basically any product in the store, but the prices are ridiculously affordable. 
& of course, as with most makeup stores, we sell foundation. Sometimes I'll get asked to match a foundation for someone's face and it's actually one of my favorite things to do, because a well-matching foundation can do wonders for someone's overall look. Usually, these women aren't wearing makeup already (or they're wearing very little) so if this is the case, I ask if I can apply one shade to half of their face then we can apply another shade to the other side if it doesn't match perfectly. We also have face wipes handy so that they can wipe the makeup off their faces after. 
Sometimes, I'll match a person and they'll take every suggestion I give them in regards to the foundation, makeup, anything really. It makes me feel good because although I am no professional by any means, it's cool to know that maybe I actually do know a thing or two about makeup. 
However, many times we will also get many women of colour (usually Indian women) where I will match them to the perfect, and I mean PERFECT shade on them (it looks like they're not wearing makeup!) but they don't like it. 
*looks at other foundation colors* "Can we go lighter?" 
*looks at self in the mirror & turns to me while I am smiling at myself in accomplishment* "Ahh, it's too dark!"
It is usually at this time where I'll tell these women my honest opinion & tell them how amazing they look with the foundation & give them my honest opinion about what putting on the lightest shade of foundation (while they are my skin tone or darker) would look like on them. I try to be polite, but still brutally honest in saying that it won't look flattering on them. I then continue to try and encourage them in the way they look with the correct matching foundation. My coworker has even used powder highlighters on customers' faces to show them how these ladies can brighten their faces while still wearing the correct shade of foundation. 
Now look, I know that a woman should be able to look however she wants to look. BUT, if she is using makeup to hide behind it, it isn't healthy at all. Especially if the woman who looks perfectly beautiful & fine in her skin tone is saying, "I want to be whiter/fairer." 
This is a result of colonialism. 
Because in history Europeans have invaded so many countries, many of these people in these places see those with the lighter skin as those with power. They see the treatment that people who are darker get for no reason other than their skin tone, and they want to be lighter. 
In Asia, skin-lightening is a BILLION DOLLAR industry. Like what?! Even my parents have contributed to this industry by buying whitening products for my sister & I when we were younger so we could become lighter. I remember them coming home from the Philippines with whitening soaps, whitening lotions, whitening deodorants, anything you could think of for us to lighten ourselves with. If you look at media in Asia, most celebrities are really pale & with westernized features. Hell, people even get eyelid surgeries so they don't have the defining Asian feature of a monolid. 
& it's really so, so sad. 
So many women all around the world think that their value, their worth, their beauty is less just because of their skin tone. & it really frustrates me & breaks my heart when I come across these kinds of women at work. & it really sucks because many of these women are actually older than the age of 30. You would think it would be younger women but no, it's the older ones. So this mindset is engraved into their brains. 
What can we do about it? 

We are beautiful no matter how we look. Photo cred: Hannah Bernabe

We can start featuring women of colour in media, & a wide range of women (dark and light skinned Asians, dark and light skinned black women, etc). We can start with the younger kids, the younger cousins/nieces/daughters/students that they are beautiful just the way they are. We can start setting the examples ourselves by loving the skin we're in (or learning to do so if we don't already) so that other women can see that it is possible to be confidently beautiful even if you're not as white as a piece of paper. 
I've learned quite a few things while working in the world of makeup, but this, by far, has been the most frustrating & heartbreaking thing that I've realized. I can only hope & pray that someday women won't feel the need to use makeup to hide behind, but rather use it to enhance their natural beauty. 

First Love & First Kiss (Oo0ooh JUICY)

Ooh, where to start with this one? 
Well, both of these things were with the same person, 10 years ago (it's actually almost 10 years from what would've been our anniversary had we stayed together, haha! I have a very vivid memory). I dated this guy while I was in middle school for almost 2.5 years. I know that people say that relationships from that age don't count but I think when they last that long they should!

My group of friends in middle school, my ex included. I purposely chose a photo where I wasn't next to him to respect his privacy haha.

Anyway, the guy went by Junior, but he goes by a different nickname now to get away from the stigma that can come from being a "junior." For the sake of this post, that's what I'll refer to him as to respect his privacy. 
He was someone I had classes with since 3rd grade. Before we started dating I didn't really have much of a friendship with him, other than the fact that for school dances we were always paired together because we were both the shortest people in our classes, haha. We had almost all of the same friends but just didn't talk so much. 
Then, one day in 6th grade he had admitted to liking me on the playground then ran away. It wasn't until a few days later that I said I felt the same way on the phone so we decided to be boyfriend/girlfriend right then & there. 
Our first kiss was two months later, and it was the day after the last day of school. We both had gone to school with some friends to help our teachers pack up for the summer & at the top of the second story building of my middle school overlooking our hometown, we kissed. It was cute; it was so sweet & simple & innocent.
I call him my first love because he was the first guy I ever said "I love you" to. He was the first person I ever held hands with, and also my first kiss. He also treated me really well. Our relationship was so pure & innocent, & as I look back on it now I see our love more as a puppy love more than a very emotional, over encompassing, forever type of love. & no it's not a bad thing at all in my eyes. We were just younger and simpler. We never fought, everything was so new with us, and I think for the both of us it was about having someone who cares about you and caring for them back. Nothing else. No ulterior motives. No taking advantage of anyone. We just really cared about each other. 
The best way to describe the relationship was "sweet." I only have fond (but sometimes very embarrassing/cringe-worthy on my end, especially with how I looked) memories with him. 

Us all reunited a few years later at my friend's 18th birthday!

Our breakup was initiated by me, but ended up being mutual in the end. We ended up going to different high schools, and at such a young age it would've been difficult to maintain a long-distance (because we had no cars) relationship. 
We are still friends. We are on good terms. We are friends on Facebook, Instagram & Snapchat. Heck, I even danced with him at a friend's 18th birthday a few years ago! He might even come across this post, haha. So if you're reading this, Junior, I hope that you're cringing & smiling at everything from 10 years ago just as much as I am, haha. 
& I also want to say thank you. Thank you for everything you did for me all those years ago. As cheesy as it sounds, I probably wouldn't have had such an optimistic view on relationships if it weren't for you! I hope you're doing well & having so much fun in your last couple of months of undergrad! Your snapchats are always lit haha. 
Anyway, I'm not sure how to end this post! But whoever is reading this I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed thinking back to it. :)

My First Memory of Life

I'll keep this one short because well, my earliest memory is quite faint, but I still remember it decently well, if I say so myself. 

little baby me: I actually look like a little girl here! (most of my baby pictures make me look like a boy)

I was about 3 years old, maybe. I remember it was an early morning, before 10am for sure. The sun was shining and I remember running up to the screen door of the house that I grew up in. I had heard my uncle, grandma, and parents talking about a new puppy we just got! I remember looking out the screen door and seeing her running around the front yard, playing with my uncle or dad (I can't remember who, all I know is that it was a man). I wanted to play with the dog but I was also scared at the same time.
And that's about it! I wish I could remember more but that's about as vivid as I can get for now. 

5 Issues I Have with Social Media

Social media seems to have taken over our lives, whether or not we want to admit it. We are always posting new statuses on Facebook, testing out new filters on Instagram, and retweeting tweets on Twitter. Social media has done a lot of good by being able to spread the word about different causes and issues so quickly and by giving us access to almost all the information in the world, but there are also tons of things wrong with it as well. 

The first day of my 30 day writing challenge is to talk about the 5 issues I have with social media, and here they are: 
1. Feeling like you need to be on all of them.  Now I know tons of people that limit themselves to just Instagram or Facebook and not on Twitter/Snapchat/Tumblr/LinkedIn, etc (not to mention dating apps if you're single too!). & especially if you are a blogger like I am, there is even MORE pressure to download all social media apps to be accessible to all potential followers, which then causes us to obsess over what we post and how and when (see points 2 & 5). 
2. We literally & figuratively "filter" our lives to be better than what they may really be.  I wrote a post on this two years ago. I had gotten so fed up with everyone around me having seemingly "perfect" relationships while Darell & I had a lot of issues that we were working out. But after talking to a professor about it, she helped me realize that people use social media to post the best of their lives most of the time. If they are fighting with their significant others, they are probably not going to post it, and of course that makes sense. With social media, we try to only show the good parts of our lives, fooling the rest of the world into thinking our worlds are more perfect than we see online. 
3. It allows cowards to troll the internet with pointless or hateful comments. Because people have the ability to be anonymous, they think it's okay to comment on social media posts bullying the original poster or being very insensitive/racist/misogynist with their comments. Those people are cowards because in real life, chances are they would never have even said a thing. 
4. It makes for tons of shallow relationships/"friendships."  Instagram and Facebook, it's so easy to add or follow someone after meeting them once, only to never speak to them ever again. Yet they know all about your pregnancy announcement and you know all about their new dog. You know (what can be) some intimate details of these peoples' lives, except that you don't interact with them at all. What makes it more awkward is if you added this person before you guys formally met (yet you both have seen each other before/have hung out in the same group before) & you have to act like you don't even know them. Or if you see them while you're out but you guys have to ignore each other as if you don't know each other! 
5. We don't fully live in the moment. Whether people openly admit it or not, we think about what we want to post next on social media or we want to see what everyone is up to. Some people may say that they're not like that yet you see them on their phones while in a room full of people. I know that because of my blog in the past I have definitely obsessed over social media & was constantly on it, but have since toned it down quite a bit. I'm trying to have a better balance of using social media but staying aware of what's happening around me. 
Surprisingly, it took me a while to come up with these 5 items, simply because a lot of other things were more specific and fell into one or more of these general categories. Now despite this list of course, I still definitely really like and appreciate social media, but with everything there is going to be some negatives. Do you have any other pet peeves with social media? 

Colour Conference 2016 & My Personal Encounter with God

One of the craziest things about attending Hillsong Church while I'm living in Sydney is the opportunity to be part of a growing movement of people who are so genuine and so passionate about what they do in ministry. And that's not to say that there aren't movements like that back home in America, but it is this movement at Hillsong that is paving the way for so many other churches around the world to be empowered in the cause for Christ. 
One of the biggest movements coming out of Hillsong is empowering women in the church, something that has been discouraged in the past in the Christian community. 

source: hillsong.com

Anyway, so every year, Hillsong hosts a women's conference entitled Colour Conference. It is where women from all ages all over the world come together to be inspired and encouraged by some of the world's greatest speakers to just be a women in Christ. We are reminded of our beauty and value and it's just a great time and place to be to gather with thousands of other women literally from all walks of life. 
I first discovered conference back in 2013 when Hillsong Conference was in LA. I had attended with Darell & little did I know how it would be the first of many seeds planted in my heart and spirit about where I would be today. I'll never forget seeing the flyers for Colour in our seats and me turning to Darell and telling him that I wanted to go and that one day, I'll have the chance. 
Fast forward 2.5 years later and here I am, at Colour Conference IN SYDNEY with a very discounted ticket that I bought only the night before. 
It was really great to be at a conference that really is all about the godly woman. Women are so beautiful and valuable and sometimes in the church, that can be forgotten about. The aesthetics were so beautiful to look at. The speakers were hilarious but all so real in the words they preached. It was such a great atmosphere to be in. 
However, even though everything was AMAZING, my biggest and most powerful takeaway from the whole conference was from day 3. & I'll quote it directly from my journal entry the day after conference: 

"The most powerful takeaway from conference was from yesterday's late morning/early afternoon session with Brooke Fraser, Taya Smith, and a few of the other worship leaders/directors. 
I was so overwhelmed by God's love and goodness that at one point I was sobbing on my knees to the song 'Good Father.' I wasn't completely sure why I was crying at first but all I knew to do at that point was to give praises to our God & King. 
Brooke also gave a beautiful tidbit behind the word 'Abba' that really spoke to me.
She explained that a closer English translation of the word is 'Dada.' & when babies use it to call their dads, all they want is to be close to them, which is how we should be as well. She [then] described how God is with us as a dad..." 
With all of that being said, God had also spoken into my spirit Psalm 3:1-4, which talks about people doubting David but that he is protected by God. It was the perfect comfort to where I was in life at that point, that no matter what happens to me and no matter what people think of me, I am protected and cared for by a God greater than anything on this earth. 
I guess with all of this I am trying to encourage whoever is reading this wherever they're at in their personal journey with God. While I think it would be awesome if every woman gets the chance to attend Colour, I also think more than that I want to say that it is possible to have a crazy and overwhelming encounter with God. 
As someone who grew up in the church, I had always dreamed of having an experience with God so overwhelming that I am brought to my knees, and while I have definitely encountered God before, it was never anything like this. He had never spoken to my heart and soul as clearly as he did here. Just be open to it. 
--------------------------------------- Wow, two posts, two days in a row! I am quite proud of myself considering my blog post track record for the last year or so. But anyway, starting tomorrow I'll be starting a 30 day writing challenge to get myself re-aquainted and to reintroduce myself back into the blogging world, and hopefully after that I can get back to posting some really great content again. Welcome back to my world as I try to live & love it one day at a time. ;)

The Habit of that Sydney Livin'

WOW. It's been about a month & a half since I last wrote. SO MUCH has happened since then & I've had so much I've wanted to write about but just haven't. Let's just say that I'm really enjoying being here, and I've gotten into my own little routine every week. I now have a job, take public transit almost daily, and have made some friends outside of Darell's friends that I now call my own. 
The transition to living here was almost seamless for me, even the public transit, despite almost never taking it back home in California. & although I'm just as paranoid as ever for my safety, Australia is generally safer than LA, no doubt. 
I'm having a hard time writing this post because I'm unsure of whether or not to unload on the last month & a half now or putting it into separate posts, but I'm not sure when's the next time I'll be able to write (my schedule is about to get a ton more busy in the next few weeks). 
But let's see... 

In the last 6 weeks I have:

• Seen an opera at the Sydney Opera House
• Started attending a connect/small group at church (something I haven't been able to do in years)
• Worn colored contacts for the first time as a result from work
• Attended the 20th anniversary of Colour Conference for the very first time, and it changed my life. 

Other than that plus random/lazy days with Darell & our friends, I haven't done too many touristy or crazy adventures simply because I've been focusing on work, finding a job, saving money, etc. 

I'm going to be trying out a writing challenge for the month of April on random topics so hopefully it pushes me to just start writing again. I really miss it, and I really miss being in and apart of the blogging world. If I want to someday work remotely, I'm going to have to get used to working from home. 

Boyfriend Appreciation Post: Thank God for Conflict Resolution

Valentine's Day is definitely over, but that's okay because love should be celebrated every day. I think days like Valentine's Day are meant for us to make sure that we take a step back and really acknowledge the love we do have in our lives, but like what most guys (including Darell) tend to say, it really is only just a day. If you're doing it right, you're appreciating your loved ones every day of the year. 
& that's what this post is about. I just want to take some time to appreciate Darell on a normal day for no other reason than "just because." 
Over the last few months while I transitioned from California to here in Australia, I hit a lot of road blocks, but through it all Darell was my biggest supporter, my biggest cheerleader. He always encouraged me to keep fighting the good fight & that everything would pay off in the end. He comforted me the whole way through and always knew that I could make it happen, one way or another. 
I've talked about my relationship on here in the past, but I don't think I talk enough about the struggles with it. Well, we recently got into a really big fight, and our first major fight since being in Sydney and honestly since before Darell moved too. & as I reflected on the last 5.5 years, I've been thinking about everything we've been through & how far we've come. 
Why do I mention our really recent fight? Well, as he & I were talking about what had happened & were trying to work through it, after we had both calmed down from being very angry and sat down to really talk about the root of the problem, I noticed how he handled himself. 
He was very patient with me, and he let me cry out everything I was feeling (he even let me cry onto his shirt & get stuff all over him haha). He was gentle and hugged me in a way that made me feel protected & safe with him. 
You might read that & think, "Well, he should've been like that to begin with!" or "Was he not like that before?!" or something along those lines. But if you look at our relationship, you have to consider the fact that I was 15 & he was 17 when we first started dating. We've come a longgggggg way since then. 
Because Darell grew up around not very many women other than his mom (he has one other brother plus his dad), it took him a very long time to get used to how to care for and even understand the emotional needs of a woman. He definitely grew up in a guys' house. & because of other factors in our lives at the time (another very long story for another day), he & I had a lot of issues in the beginning of our relationship, especially with the way we communicated with each other. It wasn't healthy the way we handled conflict. 
However, as the years went on we both learned how to communicate better & we are both much better at facing conflict head-on. Sometimes, I think he handles conflict better than I do now, haha. 
All that is to say that I'm thankful for him. Lately, he has definitely been my rock through everything that I've been going through. He's kept me level-headed while still encouraging me to keep pushing forward and having faith. Especially in this season of life that I'm in right now, I don't know what I'd do without him. I'm very thankful every day that God has brought him into my life. 
So Darell, I know you're reading this right now because you're always the first to read my new posts, but I just want to tell you thank you for being you. Thank you for your heart, thank you for your willingness & openness to grow & learn, and thank you for your encouragement. I feel at home when I'm with you. I love you.