Marrying Young Shouldn't "End" Your Life

Whether you just discovered my blog right now or you've been following me for a couple of years, just one look at my blog or even my Instagram account will show you real quickly that I am married.

A little more digging will also show you that I am quite young to be married (at least by today's standards) at the age of 22.

P.S. We've been together for almost 7 years.

I understand why society would have hesitation towards couples who marry young. Back when women didn't have as much freedom career-wise, getting married and having babies was pretty much the only thing you could do. With all the knowledge we have access to now, it can seem unwise to get married so young too. I get all of that. My family had the same viewpoint as well so I am very familiar with the reasons why people don't get married before the age of 25 too much anymore.

For me personally, there were many reasons why I got married. A good chunk of it was my faith directing us towards that, but a lot of it was also that we had dated so long and it all felt right. I knew in my heart that the timing was perfect, no matter how unexpected getting married was for us.

If you grew up with or are familiar with Christian circles, then maybe me being married at 22 isn't a surprise to you. If you didn't, then you might be scratching your head as to why someone like me might be married already. I have a degree, I am very independent, I am career-minded, and I also don't want children yet, so why would I want to be "tied down" at this age?

In the weeks leading up to the wedding, we had both friends and family tell us that it wasn't too wise of a decision to get married partially because for me, as a woman, I was "giving up" my life. It meant that I'd have "no freedom" anymore.

I saw things very differently and saw our marriage more of us just joining our lives together. I didn't see it as a restriction but more of opening the door for us to fully share our lives together. Ever since I was 15, 16 years old we talked about these very things and at the time we got married, the timing was right. We dated with the intention of getting married somewhere down the line and it was always a given with us, never a question.

Tweet: Marriage shouldn't change your goals and dreams for life.

A few years ago I wrote a post addressing people who bashed those who got engaged before the age of 23, but I also addressed the people who did get engaged before 23. (Funny enough, I said in that post that I might also be engaged/married before 23. I was right!)

Obviously, people are going to do what they want regardless of what you think about their decisions. Personally, I think that as long as you and the person you are with have gone through enough positive and negative experiences together then why not make the commitment to get married if you both want to and are able to?

If you are considering marriage in any capacity (regardless of age), just know what marriage won't nor should it "end" your life. If you have certain goals you want to accomplish, getting married shouldn't change those goals. If you are already committed to dating someone seriously, how would your goals while dating them change when you get married besides living together?

Honestly, it is a pet peeve and after being married for almost a year I still don't understand why people have that mindset. It shouldn't affect your dreams in the sense that you automatically can't accomplish them because you're married. I get it when life happens and you can't pursue your goals anymore, but marriage in it of itself will not and should not affect what you want to do in life.

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Where are my young married couples at? I gotchu guys! Also, my inbox is always open if you want to chat more about topics like this. I will be writing a couple more posts like this mostly to encourage people in similar situations and also to shed a different light contrary to what people may think about certain people in these kinds of situations :)

Our Engagement Story

So first things first. I am now married! & like I said in my previous post, I wasn't even engaged when I had written back in May. So before I get ahead of myself and talk about the wedding, I'll talk about the much requested engagement story. If you are knew to my blog or don't know us very well, check out our love story & how we came to be as a couple!

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The week leading up to our engagement, Darell was acting very weird. He would do things like casually getting down on one knee to pick something up or tie his shoe, and when I would ask him about potential wedding dates (we were originally planning to elope) all he would say is "you'll find out soon," which is a weird response to when one should have their wedding unless they were planning something themselves...

Another thing about this: it was also our 6 dating year anniversary coming up, so the idea of getting engaged on our anniversary seemed very likely & something that I was lowkey hoping for. I mean, it makes sense, right?

We had gone on a date into the city the Friday before our anniversary, and part of me kept thinking that he would pop the question then, but when he didn't, I was also surprised, but still suspicious of the following Sunday.

So when the day of our anniversary came up, Darell was acting even WEIRDER. He was always pacing, always fidgeting, which he never is that way. Like at all. We've been together for 6 years, he doesn't have a reason to be that way unless he was planning something.

Our original plans for the day was to attend Vivid Sydney, an event every June where Sydney lights up in beautiful lights and and everything just seems magical. Pretty nice place to potentially get engaged, right?

Well the day of our anniversary was also probably the day for one of the worst rain storms of the season. It was pouring rain really hard and flooding in some places as well. When we got to church that day, he was pretty bummed out about the weather and kept leaving me to "go to the bathroom" or go with one of his friends to "check out gear" (when in reality he was meeting up with people to try & figure out what to do in lieu of our original plans).

Church ended & we decided to get lunch at a nearby mall. He said he really wanted us to go to the city but the weather would just make it really difficult (and on top of that when it rains like that they cancel the light shows anyway). You could tell that his mind was elsewhere. He is usually on his phone always checking things out, but today he was checking it with a sense of urgency. I was very suspicious of him at this point, but in an attempt to play stupid, I kept asking him to pay attention to me as it was our anniversary.

We killed time at the mall by walking around, buying polaroid film, and eating Mrs. Fields cookies with a hot chocolate. When it was almost time for the church night service, we had decided to head back to church. I know that we had just attended church in the morning, but we usually also attend the night service too unless we are in the city. Plus the night services have a MUCH more different vibe than the morning services. Sunday mornings are more like traditional church services, Sunday nights are like massive parties.

So we get to church and it's like any normal Sunday night service. Towards the end of the service, Darell decided to check his pulse on his phone (he has a cool app that lets him do that) and his sitting heart rate was 90 bpm (we also had been sitting for 20 minutes at that point). He showed it to me & I asked him, "Babe, are you okay? Why are you so nervous?" He couldn't answer me, haha.

The service ended & I could see that he was scrambling. He brought me out to the church cafe and we had "run into" one of his friends (that I later found out he asked her to be at that very spot). He & I hadn't taken a nice photo that wasn't a selfie yet & he asked me if I still wanted a photo. I said yes of course!

He took a look outside & the rain was still pouring pretty hard. We wanted to take a photo at the Secret Garden, a really pretty garden at Hillsong Church with twinkling lights hanging all over from a tree at the end of it. It's really romantic.

We hung around for a few more minutes as Darell was running around talking to people, then when he came back to me he asked if I was still down for it & I just said yes, we could just make it really quick. Then, not even thinking about the engagement, I almost felt bad that I was insisting on taking a photo in this garden in the rain.

But like God's hand over our relationship (which would later also happen on our wedding day), the rain let up to a sprinkle, the lightest the rain had been all day. As we were walking to the garden we were amazed at our timing.

There was a family taking photos at the garden so we waited for them. One of our friends, who had sat with us with her husband during the service & already said they had to go home & we said our byes, showed up at the garden & told Darell to angle ourselves in such a way. I was 95% sure he was going to propose to me at that point.

Darell started talking to me about things we deserve in life. He really struggled to get the words out, but long story short, he said that we get what we don't deserve, and he didn't deserve me.

By this point we were standing at the tree already, and the family before us had hung around & yelled, "now all you need is a ring!" & Darell & I both wished they would leave haha.

He finally got down on one knee & pulled out the box & opened it (upside down, hahahah he was verrrry nervous), and asked the question, "Will you marry me?"

Even though I had suspected it, I was still surprised & teared up a bit. It happened so fast but I vaguely remember nodding my head & saying yes.

Darell's other friends had reappeared and we all took photos & celebrated. We couldn't say anything on social media yet as we wanted to make sure we told our parents before anything. But yeah, the rest is history.

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Fun fact about where we got engaged: when I first learned about the garden when I first arrived in Australia, I joked with Darell about getting engaged there because I loved the twinkling lights. I always told Darell that I wanted him to propose to me however he wanted, I just wanted the moment captured so we could remember it forever. He did just that :)

Anyway, so there is our engagement story! I know that many friends & family wanted to know what happened so here it is :) I will be writing about our wedding eventually but that will be for another time. Until then xx

Let's Play Catch-up Days 5-14: 30 Day Writing Challenge

I totally let myself go really quick omg, haha but I think I also started getting ideas for so many new posts after this challenge is done that I got so impatient that I just didn't post for a week. Sorry guys. Haha but to catch up on the last week, here's what I got: 
5. A place you would live, but have never visited

I would definitely not mind living in Spain or Greece one day. Those two countries are also the only countries in Europe that I have an "I NEED TO VISIT HERE BEFORE I DIE" kind of mentality about.
Spain intrigues me because it seems like such a beautiful and passionate country and culture, plus I have roots there somewhere down my family line so that would be cool to explore as well. With Greece, I've just always admired the landscapes. I think the film, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, was the film that first introduced me to Greece and got me thinking about it. 
6. Someone who fascinates you & why
This is a hard one. However, if I had to choose someone who truly fascinates me, I would have to say Selena Gomez at the moment. She's slowly started coming out and speaking about her recently found faith in God, and I like it. I know she's getting a lot of flack for it though because of her past, but I'm very curious to see how she deals with the criticisms in the future. Not to mention, we also go to the same church so that's pretty cool. 
7. Any tattoos you have & the meaning behind them
Nope, sorry no tattoos. There are a few that I want, but I'm not sure if I would ever muster up enough courage to actually get them.
8. A book you love & one you didn't
A book I loved: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. I've read a ton of books since reading this book in my senior year of high school, but it truly stood out to me because it was a historical/science nonfiction novel that surprised me. I am not a huge science fan, so when I was first assigned this book for my summer homework, I wasn't too excited about it. However, I do love novels, and I really enjoyed the format that this story was told. The story was told partially with the history of this woman & her cells, as well as the author's research into learning this woman's story as well as her family's to share it all in this book.
A book I didn't love: Lord of the Flies (sorry Ms. North, haha). I had to read this book in high school as well, except for my sophomore year of high school. I think the book was written very well, but I just didn't find the content interesting at all. It just wasn't my kind of book. 
9. Your feelings on ageism
Ageism isn't something that we talk enough about, but it is definitely there. Especially against people of older age. I've noticed that ageism against older adults tends to be in Western cultures more than other cultures, simply because many of those other cultures place such a heavy emphasis on respecting elders. 
10. A fruit you dislike & why
I don't like cherries. I don't like the flavor, I don't like the seeds, I just don't like them. Especially cherry-flavored things. YUCK. There is just something about the flavor that isn't sweet or sour enough for me to enjoy. I'm not sure, I don't usually ever go for it so it's been a while since I've last tasted cherries, haha. 
11. Your current relationship; if single, discuss that too

I think everyone knows about my current relationship. In June, we will have been together for 6 years. We have an interesting beginning & an even more interesting story, but those are for another day (but I have written our beginning out in the past). 
All I'll say is that we have been through almost everything couples could possibly go through, even some things that most people don't ever experience in their entire lives, good & bad. & with all that being said, I have to say that this past year has been the best year ever for us. I know that long distance tears many couples apart, but honestly, it has made us stronger & healthier (& probably saved our relationship in different ways, too). 
12. Two words/phrases that make you laugh
This is where I think Darell knows me better than I know myself. It's something he says, but I can't think about it right now for the life of me. Sometimes when he talks, I just burst out laughing. He's also funny-looking sometimes. (hehe, love you babe)
13. Your commute to & from work/school/etc.

My view on the bus on the way to work

Depending on if I am coming from my house or my friend's house that I stay at pretty much half the time, I get to work by bus or train. Taking the train is always cool for me because it really makes me feel like a city girl, even though I live in the suburbs. Running to catch the train right before it leaves adds to the experience as well. 
14. Your life in 7 years
7 years from now, I will be 28 years old. I will definitely be married and most likely have at least one kid if not two. Whatever I'll be doing for work, I hope it's something I love somewhere I love. I don't know where I'll be living at this time. I could be here in Australia still or back in the States. Heck, I could even be somewhere completely unexpected. Who knows, but I can't wait to see where I'll be. 

First Love & First Kiss (Oo0ooh JUICY)

Ooh, where to start with this one? 
Well, both of these things were with the same person, 10 years ago (it's actually almost 10 years from what would've been our anniversary had we stayed together, haha! I have a very vivid memory). I dated this guy while I was in middle school for almost 2.5 years. I know that people say that relationships from that age don't count but I think when they last that long they should!

My group of friends in middle school, my ex included. I purposely chose a photo where I wasn't next to him to respect his privacy haha.

Anyway, the guy went by Junior, but he goes by a different nickname now to get away from the stigma that can come from being a "junior." For the sake of this post, that's what I'll refer to him as to respect his privacy. 
He was someone I had classes with since 3rd grade. Before we started dating I didn't really have much of a friendship with him, other than the fact that for school dances we were always paired together because we were both the shortest people in our classes, haha. We had almost all of the same friends but just didn't talk so much. 
Then, one day in 6th grade he had admitted to liking me on the playground then ran away. It wasn't until a few days later that I said I felt the same way on the phone so we decided to be boyfriend/girlfriend right then & there. 
Our first kiss was two months later, and it was the day after the last day of school. We both had gone to school with some friends to help our teachers pack up for the summer & at the top of the second story building of my middle school overlooking our hometown, we kissed. It was cute; it was so sweet & simple & innocent.
I call him my first love because he was the first guy I ever said "I love you" to. He was the first person I ever held hands with, and also my first kiss. He also treated me really well. Our relationship was so pure & innocent, & as I look back on it now I see our love more as a puppy love more than a very emotional, over encompassing, forever type of love. & no it's not a bad thing at all in my eyes. We were just younger and simpler. We never fought, everything was so new with us, and I think for the both of us it was about having someone who cares about you and caring for them back. Nothing else. No ulterior motives. No taking advantage of anyone. We just really cared about each other. 
The best way to describe the relationship was "sweet." I only have fond (but sometimes very embarrassing/cringe-worthy on my end, especially with how I looked) memories with him. 

Us all reunited a few years later at my friend's 18th birthday!

Our breakup was initiated by me, but ended up being mutual in the end. We ended up going to different high schools, and at such a young age it would've been difficult to maintain a long-distance (because we had no cars) relationship. 
We are still friends. We are on good terms. We are friends on Facebook, Instagram & Snapchat. Heck, I even danced with him at a friend's 18th birthday a few years ago! He might even come across this post, haha. So if you're reading this, Junior, I hope that you're cringing & smiling at everything from 10 years ago just as much as I am, haha. 
& I also want to say thank you. Thank you for everything you did for me all those years ago. As cheesy as it sounds, I probably wouldn't have had such an optimistic view on relationships if it weren't for you! I hope you're doing well & having so much fun in your last couple of months of undergrad! Your snapchats are always lit haha. 
Anyway, I'm not sure how to end this post! But whoever is reading this I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed thinking back to it. :)

Boyfriend Appreciation Post: Thank God for Conflict Resolution

Valentine's Day is definitely over, but that's okay because love should be celebrated every day. I think days like Valentine's Day are meant for us to make sure that we take a step back and really acknowledge the love we do have in our lives, but like what most guys (including Darell) tend to say, it really is only just a day. If you're doing it right, you're appreciating your loved ones every day of the year. 
& that's what this post is about. I just want to take some time to appreciate Darell on a normal day for no other reason than "just because." 
Over the last few months while I transitioned from California to here in Australia, I hit a lot of road blocks, but through it all Darell was my biggest supporter, my biggest cheerleader. He always encouraged me to keep fighting the good fight & that everything would pay off in the end. He comforted me the whole way through and always knew that I could make it happen, one way or another. 
I've talked about my relationship on here in the past, but I don't think I talk enough about the struggles with it. Well, we recently got into a really big fight, and our first major fight since being in Sydney and honestly since before Darell moved too. & as I reflected on the last 5.5 years, I've been thinking about everything we've been through & how far we've come. 
Why do I mention our really recent fight? Well, as he & I were talking about what had happened & were trying to work through it, after we had both calmed down from being very angry and sat down to really talk about the root of the problem, I noticed how he handled himself. 
He was very patient with me, and he let me cry out everything I was feeling (he even let me cry onto his shirt & get stuff all over him haha). He was gentle and hugged me in a way that made me feel protected & safe with him. 
You might read that & think, "Well, he should've been like that to begin with!" or "Was he not like that before?!" or something along those lines. But if you look at our relationship, you have to consider the fact that I was 15 & he was 17 when we first started dating. We've come a longgggggg way since then. 
Because Darell grew up around not very many women other than his mom (he has one other brother plus his dad), it took him a very long time to get used to how to care for and even understand the emotional needs of a woman. He definitely grew up in a guys' house. & because of other factors in our lives at the time (another very long story for another day), he & I had a lot of issues in the beginning of our relationship, especially with the way we communicated with each other. It wasn't healthy the way we handled conflict. 
However, as the years went on we both learned how to communicate better & we are both much better at facing conflict head-on. Sometimes, I think he handles conflict better than I do now, haha. 
All that is to say that I'm thankful for him. Lately, he has definitely been my rock through everything that I've been going through. He's kept me level-headed while still encouraging me to keep pushing forward and having faith. Especially in this season of life that I'm in right now, I don't know what I'd do without him. I'm very thankful every day that God has brought him into my life. 
So Darell, I know you're reading this right now because you're always the first to read my new posts, but I just want to tell you thank you for being you. Thank you for your heart, thank you for your willingness & openness to grow & learn, and thank you for your encouragement. I feel at home when I'm with you. I love you. 

#OceansApart: That Amazing Feeling After Being Reunited

I can't believe it has already been a month since I was in Australia! The high has barely worn off; I cannot describe to you just how much it has changed my life. 
Obviously, one of my favorite parts from the whole trip was getting to be with Darell again. It was worth waiting the last few months to finally get to hug him, kiss him, just to be around him again. 
As I've said in previous posts, the first few weeks of being long distance was really hard for me. It forced me to face some of my own personal issues head on and I really needed to lean on God to be my comfort. 
However, even though it was hard to be apart and be living completely different lives, it made the reunion all worth it. 
To be honest, I was a little nervous to see Darell because part of me was scared that things would feel so different because we both had been apart for a few months and it wouldn't be the same in a bad way. However, from the moment that I saw him with my cousin at the airport things fell right back into place like before, but we were both slightly better versions of ourselves which made our time together so amazing. 
All of this is to say that waiting is really hard when you're in a long distance relationship, but it is so worth it. 
The feeling of getting hug them and hold their hand again after kissing them through a screen is so amazing and so satisfying. 
So if you are in a long distance relationship, hold on! You can do it because when you do, you'll be glad you did. 

Live, Love, Lead Wherever You Are

We all have dreams, but many times people in our lives bring us down and our dreams are limited as a result, or we just give up on them. It kinda sucks, doesn't it? 

Well, for the past couple of weeks I've been reading Live, Love, Lead by Pastor Brian Houston of Hillsong Church, the Sydney church that has made a huge impact around the world. 
He encourages those reading the book with his own life experiences, some very real, raw, and sad, but he always talks about how faithful God is when we trust him. He talks about the humble beginnings of Hillsong Church and how never giving up on that dream and keeping his focus on his vision (and lots of reliance on God) got him and the church to where it is today. He talks about how as servants of God, loving unconditionally and with a heart wide open is how we should approach others. He talks about his wife Bobbie, and he talks about some very deeply rooted emotional struggles he has been through and how he has turned that into something encouraging to others. 
I am not finished with the book yet, but I am so excited to read it. Every time I read a new chapter I feel empowered and encouraged. I want to keep going and keep reading what he has to say. 
I received this book to share with you my thoughts on it and to help promote it (this post is not sponsored by the way. I'm not getting paid to do this). But I think that for myself, God wanted to do something more with this book for me. 
You see, because my boyfriend, Darell, is attending Hillsong College in Australia, as a welcome gift, all the students received advanced copies of this book as well. He & I have both been reading it together and sharing what stood out to us in each chapter and what our dreams are for our lives as well. We both firmly believe that it is not an accident that we both received advanced copies of this book at around the same time, and this book is bringing us closer together and closer to our Creator. 
I just had to share that because the tagline of the book is "Your best is yet to come." I firmly believe that for myself, for Darell, and for both of us as a couple as well. I think it's true for all of us. If we continue fighting the good fight, great things can and will happen. 
This book is an encouraging reminder for all of us to live life, love others, and lead others (as well as ourselves) wherever we are. You will be able to relate to Brian Houston's pain and you will be encouraged by his stories and the little tidbits about where God comes in all of this. It's such an intensely inspiring book and I highly recommend for you all to read it if you get the chance!
If you are interested in more information about the book or would like to buy it, check out LiveLoveLeadBook.com.
What are your favorite inspirational books to read? 

Oceans Apart: Let's Talk About It (Communication & Long Distance)

Regardless of whether or not you're in a long distance relationship (or LDR for short), communication is hands down the most important part of a relationship. And when you're away from your significant other, it becomes that much more important because if you two slack on communication, limit communication (as in how much you tell each other), or just don't do it at all, then your relationship is doomed for failure. In an LDR, communication becomes that much more important because most of the time you can't see or physically be with that person, so what you say (or don't say) makes that much more of a big deal. 
It has been almost 2 months since Darell has left to go down under, and I have to say that we've been pretty well lately! The first couple of weeks were tough because we weren't talking much mostly due to Darell adjusting to his new schedule and just being very busy, but now that he has settled into his new home and now that I am getting back into the swing of school and work, we both have developed our system when it comes to talking. 
Now while we don't have a set schedule for when to talk, we usually communicate throughout the day as we can like how we normally would. With the time difference I basically go through my mornings & sometimes afternoons with him sleeping while for him, it's his evenings that are when I'm sleeping. I have school and work to keep me busy while he's usually just hanging out with his friends at home or sometimes at church/school. 
My biggest recommendation for communication in long distance relationships: Don't get butthurt if your partner is too busy to talk every now and then. 
Now I say this for myself as well because there are definitely times when Darell's schedule is so busy or he goes long periods without wifi (we can only talk if he has it) and sometimes, being the person that I am, I overthink the situation way too much and I think the worst of it. 
I'll admit, sometimes it definitely is hard enough that I can't talk to him whenever I want because of the time difference, but because of international charges we are also even more limited when we talk. However, I think the biggest positive out of the situation is that when we do talk, our conversations are usually cute and fun! It's safe to say that we both appreciate them that much more. 
Some other tips for successful communication in LDR's:  - OPENNESS AND HONESTY. Darell and I make it a point to be open and honest about everything, even if it might hurt. We try our best to be transparent with each other, because we all know that hiding things even if its to protect that person usually does more harm than good in the end. 
- DON'T STRESS TOO MUCH ON EVERYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG. This was me in the beginning right after Darell left. If you keep bugging that person and getting on their case about everything that could go wrong, it just doesn't make for healthy or productive conversation. It will most likely end in a fight and because of the distance, it's so much easier to ignore the other person. I'm not saying it's the best, healthiest, or right way to handle this kind of situation, but we are human and do things without thinking when we're mad sometimes. 
- TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SOCIAL MEDIA. I think I'm going to write a completely separate post detailing how much social media helps in long distance relationships. It's such a blessing for us to be living in this time where you can instantly talk to or even "see" someone on the other side of the world through a portable device. It's pretty great. Whether it's Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, or even Periscope, use these platforms to help your relationship not feel so far away. 
- KEEP ROMANCING YOUR S/O EVEN IF YOU'RE APART. For me, when Darell leaves me sweet messages to wake up to, that's his way of making me feel loved and it's a cute surprise to wake up to. For me, it's a little bit harder to speak his love language but when I do something for him here at home or keep him updated with everyone back home, he still feels very apart of life in the US, sorta. Haha. So whether it's surprising them with unexpected love posts on social media, or sending a care package, or whatever you know they will love and appreciate, do it. Don't just get comfortable, keep loving them and keep showing it too, because it's very easy to forget that when you're both apart and on completely different schedules. 
Those are my tips for now! The biggest struggle is just not being able to hug or kiss him when I want. Other than that, the open and constant communication makes us feel like we are both still apart of each others' lives, and that's how it should be in an LDR. They are still part of your life, they're just not physically there, and it's important to show them that they still mean something to you. 
Anything else about communication in LDR's I missed? Let me know! 

Oceans Apart: What it's Like to Adjust to a Long Distance Relationship

This is my first official post on long distance relationships, or LDRs for short. I'm debating if I should create this as a series called Oceans Apart or not, especially because not all (probably most) LDRs are not oceans apart. We'll see how it goes. 
But anyway, it has been 4 weeks since Darell left me at the terminal when he left for Australia. So the past few weeks have been spent adjusting to him being gone, obviously. It's been pretty difficult for me in many areas, but it has also been quite refreshing as well. 

We have a large time difference.  In case you don't know, Sydney is 17 hours ahead from LA, at least when we're on Daylight Savings Time. This has been the biggest adjustment for me by far because it affects when I can talk to him. When I wake up in the morning, he's sleeping. When I get home from work & am free to talk to him, he's starting his morning so he's in class & can't talk much. Late at night around bedtime for me is the most convenient time for us to talk, unless he has a late afternoon/evening event. 
Despite the time difference however, it has managed to work for us so far. I'm pretty used to it already so it isn't such a big deal unless he's busy before I'm about to go to bed. 

Even when we're both awake, he can only talk to me through wifi.  Let's face it, international charges are ridiculous. Darell has a phone now with an Australian number that he can call/text with, but if he tries to contact me through it, we will both be charged with international fees (sorry mom for the few texts we exchanged before realizing this, woops). 
As a result, I can only talk to him when he has wifi, which is either when he is at home, school, or church. If he is out anywhere else or commuting, I usually can't talk to him. Again, I'm getting used to this which isn't too bad. As long as I can keep myself busy it's not an issue. 
I have a ton of free time! So this is probably the most positive thing for me since he has left, haha. Before he left in the months from his acceptance leading up to his departure, I spent almost every free second I could with him. Before that, on a normal basis when neither of us are preparing to move across an ocean, I usually would only see him on weekends and go a few days to a couple weeks without seeing him sometimes (this was before I had a car). 

However, since I spent the last 7 months trying to spend as much time with him as possible, now I have the freedom to do basically whatever I want, whether with myself or with friends. Darell probably would rather I go out & do stuff anyway, regardless of if he is in Sydney or here with me, but I just wanted to take advantage of my time with him before he left. 
I'm really enjoying this free time mostly to invest more in my friendships (can't you tell I'm an extrovert?). It's only been a month & it's been so nice. I'll probably write about this in another post in the future. 

I'm starting to see my insecurities come out, and are more amplified than ever.  Right after Darell left, I left for camp. It was the perfect distraction to start out this long distance thing because if it weren't for camp, I probably would've bawled my eyes out that whole week. 
However, when I came back, the reality of Darell not being around really start to hit me. Insecurities & fears that I have as a result of my past & other things in our relationship before began to fill my mind and it was driving me crazy. He and other people in my life reminded me and pointed me to Jesus. I'll be honest and say that it was hard because even though I knew that was what I needed, I didn't want to fully surrender because my fear was so bad. 
Since then, I have taken baby steps into focusing this time I have away from Darell on myself and my relationship with God. This will definitely be a whole other post in itself, but until then, just know that I am doing fine, and I'm being taken care of. 
-------------------------------- Just in these past few weeks alone, there has been a ton of growth in me personally, and I have really had to have faith. I'll go into detail in another post on all of that, but so far, being in a long distance relationship has been hard, but very good and healthy for me, actually. It sucks that I can't hug or hold hands with Darell when I feel like it, but it'll be worth it when I do see him (which will be soon (; )
We'll see where this takes us, and I'll do my best to document it!
Until then, give me tips for being in an LDR especially if you are as far apart as we are! I wanna hear your stories. 

An Open Letter to My Soon-to-Be Long Distance Boyfriend on Our 5 Year Anniversary

June 5, 2015
Dear Darell, 
As I am sitting here at Starbucks trying to figure out what to write for today's post, I am wondering what I haven't talked about already. I have written about you being a gamer, I have written about growing up with you, and I have written our love story & how we came to be. 
I was about to just write a post on more things I've learned in our relationship but with you leaving for Australia in a month, I wanted to do what I do best, and that was to be raw and honest with you. 
I could have just written this out as a personal letter and given it to you on our date you have planned for us later today but I think posting it on a public forum solidifies and enhances all the emotions I'm pouring into this post. I think there is something beautiful and amazing to write all of your deepest and sincerest emotions to privately tell your significant other, but I also think there is something very genuine and brave about announcing it for anyone to see. 
Honestly, I still can't believe we have been dating for 5 years. That is half of a decade, and like you said, "a quarter of [my] life." Haha. 
The past few days of helping you clean out your room and going through mementos from earlier parts of our relationship have been really sweet but also pretty hard for me. You already saw me shed a few tears, and honey, I don't think they're going to go away any time soon. 
Being with you has taught me the most about what it truly means to love someone and what it really means to sacrifice. Our relationship was never typical with the situations we have been in through our old church, our families, and the people around us, but we somehow got here today. 
I will be honest, there have definitely been times that I have prayed and asked God to close the door to our relationship if it was not pleasing to Him anymore. However, I will never for a second doubt God's hand of protection and grace upon us after everything we've been through with Him dealing with the aftermath of everything. 
Lately, especially in the past year, you & I have been going through some growing pains. It has been so tough for me but I see the growth and improvement in our relationship. We interact in a much healthier way and communicate in a much clearer way as well, which I love so much. 
And now you are about to embark on the journey of a lifetime and fly to live on the other side of the world for a year. I've seen long distance couples fail, but I have also seen long distance couples thrive (in both of our families too), so it's a scary place to be, especially for me. 
I'm very screwed up in many ways and as a result am terrified out of my mind for what is to come in the next year. I won't be seeing you for months, potentially a whole year, and I don't know what to do or think about that. One thing that I love about you, however, is your optimism to balance out my worries. We compliment each other so well in that way. 
As June comes and goes, I already know that this month is going to be very emotional but so full of love as you do your final prep before Australia. I will be spending this month emotionally preparing myself as much as I can but I will be crying a lot too. 
This next year will be the ultimate test of everything we have been through in the past 5 years. Being 17 hours apart and growing up in so many ways without the other being physically there to be there for it all is gonna be a challenge but it is definitely doable. I will be turning 21, graduating from college, (hopefully) getting my first big girl job among other things. You will be living on your own for the first time in your life in a country you are not familiar with, and you will be in school as well doing what you love. 
In the grand scheme of things, a year isn't so bad. We have 5 years under our belt and the best part is that with a year it is pretty easy to see an end to the distance. Skype, Facebook, and iMessage are going to be our best friends. It's just the day to day that will be difficult. But I don't know, there are little things that you have been doing lately that give me hope for us. 
------------------------ So as I finally finish this letter a few days after our anniversary and getting to spend tons of quality time with you over the past few days, all I have left to say is that I love you. As we start on our sixth year, I have no idea what is going to come, but I wouldn't do this with anyone else but you. I pray that whatever happens, that you & I will be taken care of in the end. 
I love you. 

Posted Inspiration with Heart & Lips + A GIVEAWAY!

Words of Affirmation is my love language. I love when people say nice things to me, but I love even more having visual reminders up where I can see them. 
I was sent two beautiful prints from Heart & Lips, a cute little shop that specializes in inspirational prints based on Bible verses. The owner, Taneka, personally prayed over the different prints she has and felt that the two she sent me were best for me to have. 

The first print says "I found the one my heart loves" and the verse it comes from is Song of Songs 3:4. If you aren't familiar with the print, Song of Songs, or Songs of Solomon as it's also called, is the book in the Bible that talks all about the love between a man and a woman as they prepare to be married. 
Although I am not yet married or even engaged, I like this print because I will be bluntly honest & say that I like to think that yes, I have found the one that my heart loves. I feel like people even in the most committed relationships don't proudly say this enough until they're engaged, which I do understand--I mean that person can still walk out on you at any point especially if you don't have a ring on your finger. But then again I feel like that can happen at any point in a relationship, even at the marriage level unfortunately, so if you feel like you have the guts to do so, then don't be afraid to say it--"I found the one my heart loves." 

This second print I was gifted says "You are altogether beautiful," and the print is inspired by Song of Solomon 4:9. I like this reminder because the way I look and how I feel about myself is something that I have been struggling with for as long as I can remember. I don't struggle with it as much anymore but there are days when I feel horrible at myself and a print like this is just what I need to encourage and remind me of my worth. 
Now if you're wondering why these aren't on my walls, it's because I'm moving out of my dorm in a month so I would rather just wait to put these on my new apartment's walls rather than put them up only to take them down one month later :] 
So onto the good stuff: 
I've partnered with Heart & Lips to giveaway not just one, not just two, but FOUR PRINTS for FOUR LUCKY WINNERS!
That's right, 4 people will each get to win one of these sweet and lovely prints to display in their homes. These make great gifts as well, which is why I also have a discount code for 15% off your purchase with the code GIVEHOPE if you can't wait to get your hands on these. 
So the prints we are giving away are one of each of the prints that I have plus two more. One of them says "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" and the other starts off with the phrase "I am like an olive tree." 
The giveaway will run until midnight on April 17th, so next Friday right at midnight PST! This giveaway is open internationally so everyone has a chance to win! 
Check out Heart & Lips on all social media: Facebook || Twitter || Instagram || Pinterest
God bless & good luck ♥

a Rafflecopter giveaway

NEW SERIES ANNOUNCEMENT: Gamer Girlfriend Problems

I've written about this before, and Darell has suggested that it become a regular thing. I've said no to this a couple of times, but after thinking a lot about it, I've decided that I want to do this!
One of the things I love about Darell is his enthusiasm for helping me out with my blog. I also love the way he gets when he is explaining something he is really passionate about with me. I love the energy he gets when that happens. 
If you've been following my blog for a while, then you will have seen the original post that I wrote about Gamer Gf Probs last year. 
It was after that post that Darell suggested that it become a regular series. We went back and forth about it for months and I've finally decided to take the plunge & go for it! 
If you know anything about my boyfriend, he is an introvert. He doesn't like talking about himself and he definitely would not like talking about himself on a platform such as this and as often as I do it. 
I love his involvement with my blog, so for the next few months (until he leaves for Australia :( ), at least once a month, Darell & I will be collaborating and putting together #gamergfprobs for you guys! I know for a fact that I'm not the only gamer girlfriend out there, and I'd love to connect with you if you are as well! 
So that is all for now! You'll be seeing my first official #gamergfprobs post next month! 

Relationship Tips from Every Stage: Single, Dating, Engaged, Married

It's almost Valentine's Day. This is the day where all the single people mope around and are depressed while all the couples rub it in the singles' faces that they're not cuddling up with someone on this day. 
The truth is, we are all at different stages in relationships... even if you aren't in one. Singleness is still a very valid stage of relationships to be in. Besides, we all start out that way. 
Anyway, I'm really excited to present this post to you all because it's a post that has actually been on my mind since about January of last year, but with my original plans for this post being much more complicated than how it was now, things fell through. HOWEVER, I was thankfully able to get this post together in time for Valentine's Day this year! 
So the premise of this post: I originally wanted to feature people from different stages of relationships (dating, engaged, married) and film their stories for my Youtube channel. Since I wasn't able to make that happen, I had to wait a whole year to do this, but this time I shifted it for my blog and instead of sharing whole stories (which I may still do another time), I decided to feature singles/couples and ask them to give their tips for relationships. 
Everyone has different experiences with relationships and I wanted to showcase that with real people. 
So you'll see below that I have people of different ages, ethnic backgrounds, and relationship statuses (btw, all non-bloggers except me, hehe) sharing something they've learned about relationships. I wanted to provide a little bit of their relationship background so that you can also get an idea of where they are coming from as well. I hope you read through these and enjoy (and hopefully learn) from what these people have to say. 
SINGLES

Dominique D, 20 Has never been in a relationship. 
"Appreciate the relationships you have with your friends and family and really focus on cultivating those. You're either single for a reason, in a relationship for a reason, or married for a reason, and I think that singleness in general is a great time to focus on the loved ones you have surrounding you."

Emma O'Brien, 21 Has previously been in a relationship. "Instead of going out to look for the best person, be the best person. If you love yourself, you can love others more effectively, especially in romantic relationships. Don’t try to be a certain way or look a certain way for someone because they’re going to eventually find out, so just be yourself. "

Marc Ibarra, 24 Has previously been in relationships; has had one serious relationship. "Really get to know a person before committing to a relationship. Just because you are attracted to each other, doesn't mean you're compatible. There HAS to be more good than bad, especially in the beginning." 

Crazy Changes and Blessings

It's official! @hillsongcollege Thank you to @matthewansell for pushing me into taking a step into the unknown! My parents for supporting me on this crazy ride and @jaybastian1855 @duhhkrisellee for the crazy talks!! Oh and @ajc_93 for the overseas counsel ! so stoked for whats to come! Yeaaaaaaaaahp gofundme.com/darellgabriel #hillsongcollege #sydney #au #HILC2015

A photo posted by @darellgabriel on Jan 24, 2015 at 4:49pm PST

It seems that I haven't written a personal post in a while, and if you have been following me on Twitter or Instagram at all, then you may or may not already be aware of some things happening in my life. 
I've been going through a lot of changes and lots of things have been happening--all good things! It has just been such an intense past couple of weeks. 
I haven't posted on Instagram or Facebook yet, but on Twitter I mentioned it a few times--but Darell is moving to Australia! 
It's only for a year, but in July he'll be moving to go to school at Hillsong International Leadership College to study TV & Media. I am beyond excited for him and so proud of him for taking this step out of his comfort zone and being independent and pursuing his dream. The biggest struggle will definitely be the long distance relationship part, but we will definitely be working on that as time goes on, and thankfully Darell is so encouraging when I get sad or discouraged especially in that area. 
Darell has such a great heart and I'm so excited to see what's in store for him in Australia! If you feel led to do so, please feel free to donate to him as he fundraises for mostly his plane ticket! Even if it's a dollar, any little bit counts. AND, if you donate as a result of my blog, please email me and I'll send you a little gift as a thank you :] & Darell isn't making me do this, I'm just doing this because I love him and just want to support him in any way possible. You may donate through here. 
So that's what's happening with my boyfriend/relationship right now, and as for me...

I GOT A NEW JOB! 
I basically got the closest I can get to my dream job while still a full time student. I just got hired to work for Knotty, an accessories company, primarily to do wholesale sales with social media on the side. I've worked with them previously and have featured their accessories in a couple outfits before.   It's crazy how I started just as a blogger who spotlighted them in a couple posts and now I'm actually working for them! I only promote products or brands that I absolutely love and believe in, so when I feature Knotty on here in the future, please know that it is not because I was asked to feature them, but because I genuinely wanted to. Besides, if I didn't genuinely love this company after working with them as a blogger in the past, I probably wouldn't have applied to officially work for them, right?
My dream job would be to either work at a fashion/lifestyle magazine or work for some type of fashion/beauty/lifestyle brand doing social media/blogging. Even though that's not my primary job here, I still get to do it and I love it. 
In the meantime, we are having a Valentine's Day special at Knotty! From today until the end of February, use the code BEMINE15 at checkout to get 15% off your purchase! If you're unsure of Knotty, don't worry, you'll be seeing more of them on the blog soon [: 
Also, follow Knotty on social media if you haven't already! 
Facebook // Twitter // Instagram // Pinterest
These next few months with this new job and Darell prepping to leave for a year is going to be such a difficult one, but it'll be worth it in the end. Please keep both of us in your prayers during this time of transition and change and growth! We'll definitely need it!