Love is More than Having Fun

Last Friday I received a gift from my boyfriend. It was a gift that I had known about for a while now (he told me before I found it), but I have since then been waiting for when he’d be ready to give it to me. I had given him the same kind of gift on Valentine’s day, and he admitted that he was working on the same thing, but he had started it before me.

The gift was very simple: a jar filled with reasons why we loved each other. I gave him the reasons why I love him on Valentine’s Day, and last week he gave me his reasons for loving me.

I’m a very sensitive and emotional person especially with relationships, so you can bet that I was sobbing while I was reading them in my room and processing it with my boyfriend over text. There were things that he’d said about me that I had never even thought that I had that kind of effect on him. It was such an honor and blessing to know that I was able to influence him in such a way.

The night before, we had gotten into a pretty bad fight after worship practice at church. He had to take me home, and it was to a point to where he wouldn’t even flinch when I talked to him. But don’t worry, we talked about it the next day. As much as I hate sleeping on a fight, I’ve come to realize (although may not have completely accepted) that sometimes it is necessary. Part of it may also be due to the fact that we don’t live together so it’s easier to do that rather than if we did.

As I am processing reading through all the notes that I just read about why my boyfriend feels the way I do about me, I go on Facebook, and my friend had just posted a status about a Bible verse. The reference? The ever-famous 1 Corinthians 13, also known as the Love Chapter. The whole chapter wasn’t quoted, but the part that I was reminded of was from verse 7: “[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (NASB).

Why did that verse stand out to me so much? It’s because it’s just another confirmation and reminder of what you need to do to have a relationship work out. Like what I said in a past post, it’s more than just the good times in a relationship or marriage. It’s about the bad times too. No one likes to have them, but every time you overcome an obstacle with that person you become stronger, especially as a couple.

So there’s a little peek into my relationship with Darell, once again. Lots of people only post about the good times, but hey, real relationships aren’t always good. Because of that (and many other things we’ve endured together), I’ve learned to take pride in my relationship and not to be afraid to talk about not-so-good times. I definitely hate them so much, but I realize every single time that there is a reason for it all.

We're Young & in Love, so what?

Right now, all I want to do is just pour out whatever is on my mind. I've been reading a few things and hearing things about relationships and there's been a lot going on in my head about the subject. I don't normally talk too much about Darell (my boyfriend, in case you didn't know) online but it's only because I've been thinking about a bunch of different things that I'll talk about us in this post.
*NOTE: These thoughts are all completely my own, and I'm just typing out whatever comes to mind so apologies ahead of time if it doesn't make sense.

Darell & I in 2010 after one of our first dates

Darell and I last sunday at church!

I've been with my boyfriend just over three years, and I can tell you now that those three years have definitely not been a walk in the park. Last year (2012) was, hands down, our roughest year. Somehow, we managed to get through everything and this year has been our best yet. 

Yesterday, one of my friends shared an article on Facebook entitled, "My husband is not my soul mate." I decided to read it because it seemed interesting, and I agreed with what the woman was saying in her post. I'd read similar posts before, and that reinforced certain things I was thinking about. 

This is what some of the blog post said: 

 "God’s plan is for us to be made more holy, more like Christ… not marry a certain person...

There is no biblical basis to indicate that God has one soul mate for you to find and marry. You could have a great marriage with any number of compatible people. There is no ONE PERSON for you. But once you marry someone, that person becomes your one person. As for compatibility, my mom would always pipe up when my girlfriends and I were making our lists of what we wanted in a spouse (dear well meaning Christian adults who thought this would help us not date scumbags: that was a bad idea and wholly unfair to men everywhere) that all that really mattered was that he loved the lord, made you laugh, and was someone you to whom you were attracted. The rest is frosting." -Hannah from theartinlife.wordpress.com (you can read the rest here.)

I'll admit, I've been guilty of this before as well. Of course everyone wants to think that out of the six or so billion people in the world, you found "the One." Throughout the past few months, I've definitely realized that there really isn't one person for you. However, when you're with that person you're with, it is because you consciously choose to be with them and love them every day. 

Now I'm not married, so my situation is a little different. But I bring up that whole concept because I also recently had a conversation with a friend about why I'm choosing to be with one person for the rest of my life and not going out and seeing what else is out there for me. 

I can easily choose to leave my boyfriend and "experience different types of love" as I've heard before, or "test the waters." And although I'm indecisive about a lot of things, my love life is not one of them. 

From growing up in a divorced family and getting my heart severely broken (so much that it affected my self-esteem and self-worth), I decided at a young age that I'd take dating seriously, and that I'd date with the intention of a long-term relationship/marriage. 

So many people think that people who get serious at a young age are more at odds to divorce and have their relationship not end well. I'm not completely disagreeing with that thought. As young adults, your mindset is set on different things like having fun, partying, friends, or whatever it is. But what I am saying is that it does not apply to everyone. 

God gave us the ability to choose for ourselves, so yes it is possible that my boyfriend or myself could change our minds about each other down the road and not end up together. But whether or not that does happen, I will still choose to love him every single day. 

Two people whose thoughts on love and marriage that have really stuck with me over the past few months are things that Darell's mom and uncle have said to me.

His uncle was telling us about the hardships he went through with his family before he married Darell's aunt. Through all of that, he knew what he wanted, and he stood up for it, no matter how crazy he may have seemed. 

One day, I was talking to his mom about my dad's thoughts on relationships, that one fight automatically equals a bad relationship. His mom had been married to his dad for 21 years, and she said that fights are normal and not always a bad thing. In any relationship, romantic or not, it's gonna happen. She said that if you want your marriage to last, you have to fight through those fights, even if you don't want to deal with it. The problem with so many marriages today is that couples forget that promise they make to each other on their wedding day (for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part) and once they get to the "for worse" part, they call it quits. 

However, I am NOT talking about extreme situations like domestic violence. That's something different. What I am talking about is when couples argue or fight or aren't having the best part of their relationship for whatever reasons there are. What Darell's mom talked to me about is that she and her husband talk through whatever it is that they go through and make it work. They still choose to love each other every single day. 

People may say whatever they like about our relationship or the relationships of others who may be in similar situations, but as a word of encouragement, stand up for your relationship and fight through whatever may be going on. You're not alone. 

So even though I may not be married, these kinds of thoughts go through my mind all the time. It's normal to think about, especially if you've been in a long-term relationship with someone. Marriage is a lifetime commitment you make to your friends and family, but more importantly to God. It is something that we all want to do "right," but there is no formula other than having God first, your significant other second, and you last. Everything else is a variable.